my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
