woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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