So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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