I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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