i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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