Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
