She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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