i would punch a child for taco bell
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize