last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I cut my penus on the lid.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
