Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Less talking, more tequila
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
