the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
