Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
