so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
