im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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