Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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