DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
