if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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