Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
