There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
