I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
