I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
