hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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