got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
