I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
