Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
