It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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