I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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