Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
