I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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