Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
