guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
