And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
