Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
