ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
