I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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