Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
