Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
