Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
