he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
