He uses pillows to masturbate.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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