I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
