Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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