Apparently you make a good broom.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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