did you get engaged???
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
