The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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