what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
