singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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