Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
