i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
