Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
