You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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