she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
