i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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