From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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