He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
