is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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